


Wanting, Craving, Aching

by jb_slasher



Category: Actor RPF, Band of Brothers RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-12
Updated: 2003-12-12
Packaged: 2017-10-25 18:32:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/273437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jb_slasher/pseuds/jb_slasher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew's thinking instead of acting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wanting, Craving, Aching

**Author's Note:**

> \--lyrics courtesy of Linkin Park, from the song "Easier To Run"

_just washing it aside  
all of the helplessness inside  
pretending i don't feel this way  
is so much simpler than change_

Matthew wants him. Craves him. Aches to hold him. It all feels so surreal, Peter on top of him, the sounds, the camera isn't there, and yet it is.

Matthew doesn't want this to go on, he wants to hear "Cut!". How hard can it be, just a simple "Cut!". It's been forever, a small eternity, from the beginning of the scene. "Cut!" already, because Matthew really wants to go home.

This is the last scene of the day and Matthew needs to go home, has never needed to go home so bad, back to his empty bed, back to his silence, that deafening silence that he loves - he can create Peter's voice and make it say things he'd want Peter to say - and hates - it reminds him that he's imagining it and that Peter isn't even really there.

Matthew's missed something. He's staring at the ceiling and realizes he's thinking instead of acting. Most importantly, Peter's weight is gone. Matthew missed the "Cut!" he'd been waiting for what seems like hours.

No one's looking when Matthew stands up and walks away, gets his shirt and jeans, pulls them on, takes his jacket and leaves.

Then Matthew's here again, in his cold, empty - spacious, in a way - apartment, dwelling in that silence he can't fill by himself. He throws the jacket on the floor, pulls his shirt off - it joins the party on the floor, since Matthew hasn't exactly been thinking about cleaning lately - removes his jeans and is just heading for the bed - to spend yet another night aching for someone - when there's a knock on the door.

At first, Matthew thinks he's finally gone crazy - thanks to the things bottled up inside - but there it is again: two quiet knocks on the door - _his_ door. He steps back, picks up his jeans, quickly pulls them on. He stops to listen, but hears nothing, takes the needed steps to the door and listens again, presses his ear against the door.

A sigh, there was a sigh, he could swear it was a sigh! He lets out a breath he hasn't realized holding, and slowly he opens the door.

For one thing, Matthew certainly didn't expect Peter standing outside his door at this hour or he certainly would've pulled his shirt on as well. Suddenly, it's very cold and his skin is suddenly all about the goose bumps.

"Hey."

What's he supposed to say again? _Short sentences, short words, anything._

"Hi!"

Too eager, too.. _Fuck!_

A thick, uncomfortable silence before Peter breaks it.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, of course."

Matthew opens the door wider and gestures Peter to step in, and so Peter does.

"It's a bit cold out there," he says as he takes off his coat and Matthew closes the door. "Freezing, actually."

Peter looks questioningly at Matthew, who takes his coat and hangs it on the rack, then picks up his own jacket and hangs it there as well.

"Wow.. I didn't picture your condo being anything like.. this." Peter sounds a bit disappointed. He takes a look around and fails to notice Matthew deciding this is his chance if he's ever going to get one.

"Turn over."

Peter does as Matthew tells him and turns around to face him.

"Stand still." Peter looks uncertain. "Close your eyes." Still that uncertain look. "Trust me." Matthew smiles and that seems to assure Peter.

Matthew takes those critical steps and hopes he's doing the right thing to solve his problem. Or at least finally get some kind of reaction from Peter, so Matthew can get a hold of life again and continue it.


End file.
